Finding my inner-happy

Fear – The Sequel.

How many decisions do we make every day out of fear?

How many things do we say, or reactions we chose to have, out of fear?

Let me give you a hint: A lot!

This is actually not my first post about fear and still, I sit in my struggle, so I choose to write about it a bit more, which helps me heal my inner-blocks.

Looking back over the years of my life, I realize how much room I gave fear in my life and it took me years to learn how to change that course.

I’m still working on it. Every single day.

You see, fear is a little voice inside your head that instills doubt and hesitation and dims the light that shines so so bright within you.

I’ll be honest, for years, I didn’t even realize that I carried my own light – I kept trying TOO hard, with every move and decision, to create light.

It never occurred to me until recent years that the light was WITHIN me and that I didn’t have to carry fear along for the ride. It’s my choice.

That said, it’s a hard habit to break.

Take this blog, for example…. I have over 100 half-written posts, all of which are probably amazing. But I write, get ready to post, and then FREEZE. I allow fear to get into my head. It tells me the reasons why I’m not good enough and why I shouldn’t post. So then I delay… and find new excuses.

It’s a cycle, a pattern for me.

My brain has become a pro at excuses and delays, while my heart has so many words it wants to share with the world, I often wake up in the middle of the night with new blog post ideas. The ideas won’t stop, and sometimes it feels like the fear won’t either, so I have to BE BRAVE and FACE IT!!!!!!!!

*deep breath*

While I’m sure I should probably not tell you all that I soak in fear when I make posts to this blog, my goal is to be honest with you and tell you exactly how I feel and how I plan to move passed it and grow stronger. It’s what we must do in this life – live, face the challenges, and defy the odds for success.

Why do I find it so hard to believe in myself?

Here I am, heart wide open, sharing that I am the one most scared of my own success with anything I do. I am so hard on myself and it takes everything for me to admit that I’ve completed a creative work “properly” because I am so worried of what the reaction of others will be. Why???

I do what I do, and follow my heart, and whoever loves it will love it!

That’s it.

Today, I choose to be brave.

Today, I choose to tell fear to take the back seat.

Today, I choose to make this post without re-reading it 100 times to start correcting things that don’t need correcting.

Today, I believe in myself.

Today, I AM THE BEST VERSION OF ME POSSIBLE. Sorry Fear, you’re out!!!

In the past, I use to make posts under a pen name – MarMar Oaks – but now I choose to post under my real name, choosing to be my authentic self and sharing it with you along the way. The only way to live successfully is to live authentically. I choose to be MY best possible self. Most posts to come soon!

I love you all. Thanks for reading.



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